youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
