Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
