But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
