It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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