Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
