He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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