I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
