god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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