There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
