I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
