As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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