We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
