laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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