He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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