hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
