Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
