***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
