so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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