she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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