Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
MIDGETS
????
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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