New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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