Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
