Banned from zoo.
Again?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
