this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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