Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
