I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
