we have pet lesbian snakes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
