She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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