this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
