also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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