I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone came in the potted fern
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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