Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please, let me fuck your mom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
