My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to calm my uterus...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
