I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
