I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
