i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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