her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
