Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
