so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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