So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
