Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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