why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
