So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
