you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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