Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i drank out of a bidet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
