I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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