i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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