Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
