also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
