____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
