remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
