If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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