Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
