We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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