I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
