i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
