You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
