Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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