I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
