I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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