I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
