I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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