So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize