I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
