I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
