Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
