my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
