And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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