My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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