i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
