And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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