Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
