I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
