How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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