and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
